On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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