I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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