Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
