Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
