I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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