he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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