i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
