I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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