I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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