Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
