'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
