Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
