hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
