Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
