Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
