Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
