then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
