She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
