I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
