I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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