he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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