Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
