I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
