the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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