And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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