My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
