I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
