Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
