I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
