Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
