where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
