he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
