theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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