Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
