why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
