girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
