I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
