I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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