Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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