i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
