And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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