we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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