the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
