why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
