his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
