Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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