I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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