I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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