Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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