Acid is not a monday night drug
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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