I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
