Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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