So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
