i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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