I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
