So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
