You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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