dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
