All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize