Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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