Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
