I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
