I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize