I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
