Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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