You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
