Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
