I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
