Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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