Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
