You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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