Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
