There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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