You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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