Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's never too late to be topless.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize