You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
