it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
