you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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