you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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