I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
