I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
