Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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