STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
