so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
