Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm passing your future prison.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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