Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

I was born with a shot glass in my hand

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead

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(250): View more from British Columbia

When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"

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(330): View more from Ohio

(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)

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(410): View more from Maryland

I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing

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(919): View more from North Carolina

You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.

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