Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
