I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
