if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
