She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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