My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
