I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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