All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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