Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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