there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
