That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
