I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize