The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
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